La Mort D'Enfant
by Sorrow has a Human Heart
Summary: The aftermath of Nooj's shootings. The birth of Baralai's "dark side".


**La Mort D'Enfant**

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_I'm afraid, so afraid_

_Being raped again and again and again_

_I know I will die alone, but loved_

_You live long enough to hear the sound of guns_

_Long enough to find yourself screaming every night_

_Long enough to see your friends betray you…_

_**-**_**Nightwish, "Poet and the Pendulum" **

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'_**I believed in you once…'**_

Sharp, uneven pain screamed from her shoulder, waking Paine from a sound, drugged sleep. Where…? No, she was no longer outside, and it was deep into the night, but she quickly recognized the simple furnishings of the travel agency's rooms. But how—that was it? Gunshots? An awful nightmare, leaving her with resonant, phantom pains. They had all just been through so much at Operation Mi'hen; too much, really. Of course it would leave an impression, post-traumatic stress that would eventually fizzle out when the reality of being alive and well set back in. Such was the way of war, of life on Spira, but so long as they stuck together, they could make it. Still, the discomfort persisted, the bruising and aching pain, stiffening her arm and tingling in her fingers. Suspicious, Paine patted the offending shoulder, discovering tangible, thick layers of bandages, and suddenly aware of the putrid odor of medicated salve seeping through the linen wraps.

It made no sense at all, what Nooj had done, but it was no dream. She lay there, absorbing the realization, not one for stubborn denial. If that's how it was, that's how it was. No sense in fighting it or panicking; only in looking for answers. Sick, anxious nausea rolled through her stomach as she recalled the first two victims—her friends—Baralai and Gippal. Face contorting in agony, she rolled out of the bed, intent on finding them. Were they even alive? Her knees shook weakly with the first few steps; apparently, she'd lost a good deal of blood.

Fumbling along the wall for the light switch, she heard shuffling in the opposite corner. As the dim glow filled the room, she saw that she was alone. Gippal and Baralai were nowhere to be found. Soft knocking, and the door creaking open interrupted the temptation to panic. Rin stepped into the room, his normal, slick salesman demeanor replaced by fatigue and serious empathy.

"Your friend will live, but it may be some time before he awakens. His injury was far deeper. We had to revive him twice…Of course, you may see him, if you like."

"Was there another man brought in?" she asked, bewildered.

"The young Al Bhed? He, too, is alive, but I'm afraid he requested to be taken elsewhere."

'…_**but you betrayed that…'**_

They were alive. Baralai was alive. Gippal was alive. Paine repeated that simple fact in her mind, over and over. Yes, something had gone wrong, something was terribly awry in Nooj's mind, but it was going to be alright. No one had died.

Wires and tubes, monitors and medications attached themselves to the Yevonite, preserving his life in tragic irony. Steady blips on a miniature liquid-crystal screen kept time with his heartbeat, reassuring her that he was still hanging on.

"The bullet grazed his heart. He's most fortunate to be alive." Rin informed her, and politely left her to visit.

Paine cracked a sad smile, watching Baralai's face for any signs that he heard them. Yet, he remained still, chest shuddering slightly as he inhaled each breath, straining against the internal injury. She didn't have to guess at why Gippal had left. He was simply following through with their original plans: Split up, stay below Yevon's radar, look for answers. Unfortunately, even with Baralai in this condition, she would have to do the same soon enough.

'_Who's there? Gippal? Paine? And Nooj…he…did this. But, we were friends…'_

"I guess we'll all be looking for answers now. It was fun while it lasted, though. Thanks for letting me in on it. Who knows? Maybe the four of us will meet up again…?" Paine talked at Baralai, and no one, feeling unsure of what to do next, guilt plaguing the corners of her conscience for leaving him alone, but sticking around could prove even more damning for both of them.

' _First Nooj, then Gippal, and now you, too?'_

His response was unexpected, eyes twitching, rolling back into his head as his mouth struggled to form incoherent words. Silent screams pierced the air, and Paine gripped his hand, consoling a friend trapped in night terrors. She could see him reliving it, again and again and then some. He jerked forward in unconscious reflex, hit by the same bullet, betrayed by the same friend, dying in his mind more times than his body could ever bear.

_Memory confused and twisted under trauma's heavy hand. It was Nooj, always Nooj, but sometimes Gippal took a shot, too. Paine always turned away, or maybe she filmed it? They said something—something about dropping dead weight. But they both always walked off, into the distance, further and further away. Baralai lay on the ground, feeling his life's blood pulsing, pouring out, but he never ran out. It just kept hurting, hurting, spilling. Standing over his own body, leering down, self loathing and tormenting anguish boiled over into bitter strength. The only thing left. The man that lay there was now unfit to live what was left; too weak and giving and naïve. And he was all that was left to carry out the rest. _

An Al Bhed nurse dashed into the room when one of the machina alarms sounded, warning of dangerous vital signs. Without a moment's hesitance, she jabbed him with a needle, and he collapsed, silent and limp. Paine stood back, watching the numbers decrease, knowing that they lied. Glimpsing down at her hand, she saw four nail marks, where Baralai had held on too tight. This was confusing for all of them, she had no doubt. Yet, looking at him, still slightly twitching through the medicated haze, she knew that it was more to Baralai. And what was best for all was probably worst for him. Nevertheless, there was no choice. Not looking back, Paine left the travel agency, swearing that she'd find out what really happened. Somehow, those answers would set it right. Somehow…

'_My friends have turned on me. Why? Why…..why….?'_

'…_**Answer me!'**_

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**A/N: I'm aware that I'm kind of treading a thin line as far as canon goes with this. (Gippal asks Nooj "You shot Paine?" in the meeting at the Bevelle Underground.) The scenario here would almost suggest that he knew that he did, but it's vague enough that one can assume that not to be the case. He got out of there as quick as possible, possibly fleeing to Home. Nothing requires that Rin told him anything about Paine's presence. Given Baralai's critical condition, it could easily have been an oversight. **_**  
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End file.
